Painful

It's painful to feel like her life is all good without me.

I remember I had a long walk & talk with Hafiz during one of the night during the recent 4E7 Chalet. He asked about my relationship with her. I let it all out, and It really felt good. I'm really thankful that Hafiz listened to me and make me feel better.

She came to the chalet. I'm so happy, she's so sweet to me. I would say that I'm the happiest man alive at that moment but how I wished it's more consistent.. Do i still cross your mind?

Helplessness

Why is it that every night, every single night, I'll think of her?


I always think that she's the only one for me.
That she's someone I'm destined to be with.
Someone I can grow old with.
But i really don't know,
I just feel that way.

It's because of the great time we had
and the r/s we built through every obstacles we come across.
Thats why it's very difficult for me to let go
When in actual fact, these things no longer exist.

Sometimes the simplest thing we do is very dear to me because I cherish it.
I've make mistakes and I've regretted. I was stupid but
Deep inside my heart I know i love her and no body else.

This helplessness is getting me.
TCH, please. Just let it go already. She doesn't care about you anymore.

A Fool

Standing here like a fool with arms wide open, not knowing when She'll run back to you and when she leaves, she's gone just like that.

Who would've known?

I never thought that it'll turn out this way. I really did not.


I’m not angry because we broke up, I’m just sad because I can’t let you go.
I’m not angry at you for not loving me, I’m angry with myself for still loving you.
I’m not angry that I can’t have you, I’m sad because I know what I’m missing.
I’m not angry that I lost you, I’m sad because I once had you.
I’m not angry that you’ve moved on, I’m sad because I can’t.
I’m not angry that you won’t come back, I’m sad because I keep hoping you will.
I’m so sad because I miss you and I still love you...

Our lives

You know we've gotten into our new life for 1 year already. I'm from Sp, She's from nyp, both schs are far apart. Her work is extreme, she doesnt have any time for anything, not even me except for her work. Starting for half a year or so, we're fine and happy. But then we broke off cus she said our r/s is getting dull, its like she knows me thoroughly and i know her thoroughly, there's nothing more we can know about each other furthermore. I believe what she knows about me are just my habits and not my true self because i hardly tell her a lot on how i feel and what problems I'm facing. She doesn't know that there's so much things i want to tell her, it's just that when i want to tell her about something, she's too caught up with her work. There's so much more she can learn about me. She say she wanted to experience what its like to be with other guys. I let her, and i regretted, so much. Eventually we became distant and our love starts to fade.. sigh. She says I'm devoted and I'm being too nice to her. She feels that she doesn't deserve me. Which guy doesn't treat the girl they love the best they can, right? Even after what she said, how come i feel that she is the best for me? that my hand fits her's best? She said she's involved with other guys. She like this one guy and she refuse to tell me more about him because she's afraid that i might judge. By so, i assume that that chap isn't doing so well, be it his character, his studies, what so ever. I'm curious what kind of guy is he? I'm not saying that I'm better than him, cus love is blind. Even if i am better, I'm jealous of him. At least he has a chance to be with her and have her attention, unlike me, its hopeless. I believe no matter how perfect i may be, i may no longer be as perfect as what she thinks i was in her eyes anymore. Still, I think she's flawless to me. She said after she get her diploma, if she's single and I'm single and we still feel for each other then if its happens it happens, if it doesn't then it doesn't. I just feel that there is 99% chance of it not going to happen and this makes me really sad. Recently we hanged out, we felt awkward, its like i dunno how to savage this r/s. I've tried my best, but i really dunno what to do right now, I'm at my limit, I'm very tired. I feel useless, lonely and lost. Do you know how miserable it's to be feeling this way? Why did i get together with her so young? Why am i not the guy she has a crush on right now.. then at least we can last another 3-4 years. I know it's weird to say this, but you know.. even if our whole relationship is a lie, I'm happy when I'm with you.