Hi.. Im glad to see you doing fine without me. I just want to have this one last conversation with you.
I just want you to know that i love you alot. Till now
im still in shock and confusion, i still cant believe that you can just stop loving me out of a sudden.
I always believe that there is a better reason than just you not having enough time for me because I dont
mind, all i wanted is to be loved. But whatever the
reason I never wanted this to happen to us and i'll do anything to save this relationship.
If you still love me any bit please let me know, atleast it will make me feel much better.
I was afraid, very afraid that you will leave me because you mean everything to me but from the moment
you decided to leave me, my world start to crumple into pieces.
I think about you night and day, but all this thinking is not doing me any good, it just makes me more
and more upset. I know i am no longer as important in your heart, i know everybody's changing but I also
know that my love for you havn't changed up till today. We've been through so much just to be with each
other through this years and I felt that our relationship was really really strong, i never thought
you'll feel this way.You're the perfect girl for me all along and its sad to know that I'm not your
perfect guy anymore.
everytime when i walk by the places we used to go together, you'll appear in my head and I'll sit there
to remenisce about us. I never regretted being with you because having you by my side, that was the most
perfect part of my life. I really wish that I'll be able to turn back time, back to the days when we
laughed and were so happy just being with each other but i know it's impossible because you've long gone,
and have already moved on with your life. While I'm still stucked, no where to go. I pray to god that
you'll return to me after you've sort out your feelings.

So be it

I think I'm over it. The Naf I know will never lie to me and treat me like this. The Naf I know is already dead and she'll never come back. The current Naf isn't worth the effort.

Thank you for listening, diary.

Celebration

ZOUK TONIGHT!!

Good bye.

I've been waiting far too long and now I guess
It's all over.

My 18th Birthday Celebration.

14th of April 2011
It's the best. I didn't expected this surprise at all. I thought my 18th birthday will be just another uninteresting day just like any other birthday I had.

Okay okay, let me explain what happened.
Since I have no plans for my birthday and Iaene asked me out for shopping aka celebration. I went out with him. I messaged Daniel to see if he's free after his SP flag day to go out with us and he joined us too. I saw Raymond across the tracks at the MRT station when I was at Dover waiting for Daniel. He wished me a happy birthday, I wanted to ask him to join too but his train is already coming.

So when Daniel joined us, we went to town and shopped. We saw Joshua, Veronica Tang, Gouwei, Shawn and Alex in town. Wow.. so many friends at town. Haha. After buying some stuff. Kirby and Yuting were suppose to join us but they didn't because Yuting is too tired from work and Kirby gotta send her home. It was disappointing but I understand.

Cleo & her boyfriend wished me a happy birthday through the phone too. The only ones who called to wish me happy birthday. Thank you :) Majority of the people just text me Happy Birthday.

So Iaene said he wanted to go Daniel house to slack after shopping at town. Max and Weiping asked me out for supper too. So i suggest to Iaene and Daniel to join us near my house's mac. Weiping is already eating with his colleagues because his workplace is near there. So much coincidence in a day? I didn't even suspect anything haha. Then Melvyn called and asked whether he can drop by my place and borrow the snare ring from me for SYF.

While walking towards Mac, Daniel and Iaene said they wanted to put their stuff at Daniel's place first and asked me and Max to go ahead to mac without them.

I didn't know they had something up their sleeves.

When I went to mac, I remember about school's GEMS. I was suppose to register for it! I was so anxious because there isn't much interesting modules left and the one I can make do with is only left with 1 spot. I tried using Max and Melvyn's(Who joined us soon after) phone to try to register for my GEMS but somehow I just can't register through phone. So I asked them to wait for me as I rush home to register my GEMS.

When I reached home, I dashed for the laptop. When I pass by the kitchen I heard noises and I saw a bunch of people in my Kitchen. I thought it was a robbery or something. Haha. They started singing happy birthday and I realise it's my friends. At that moment I was feeling Anxious, Worried, Shocked, Surprised and Happy. Imagine the extent of my "mixed" emotion hahaha.

Mevis, Madeline, Iaene, Raymond, Daniel were in my kitchen and Mevis was filming my reaction. I bet she's gonna upload the video soon. Thanks for the Bakerzin's Chocolate cake too people :) Melvyn and Max who was at Mac followed me home and joined us very soon after. I really dint expect it'll be the bunch of secondary 1 and 2 friends who planned this out for me. They planned it well cus I didn't suspect anything like that would happen to me. I expected a celebration from my 4E7 instead of my 2E8 cus I was closer to 4E7. I really expect Naf to like at least fork out time for me during my birthday. I was kinda disappointed actually but I'm glad my sec 2 friends did this for me, It was the best birthday celebration. Unforgettable. I love you guys :)


Mevis had to go first cus her parents was coming to fetch her. After that we went to eat at the Kopitiam near my place and was shocked by the news about Ramdan. Weiping skated from his place to the Kopitiam to meet us then we went to 7-11 to buy things. I bought my first beer there call Saparo or something.

Madeline went home after that

So the rest of us went to Mac and play + Chat the whole day. Half way through Daniel buey tahan and go home to rest. So we hang out Till 5am before all of us went to my place and wait for the first bus to come.

Thank you for everything people :)

I'm so happy when I'm with you.

12th April 2011

Although I waited for you for about 20minutes, It's worth the wait because it was an enjoyable time with you.

You helped me pick some really nice clothing and you came out with me even though you're having flu, thank you so much :)

I've learnt to cherish and I realize simple things like this means a lot. Maybe in the past, we din't know how to cherish each other and that's why you'll think our relationship is dull.

We laughed a lot, it feels like the old time. I don't understand why we can't be together. I know maybe it's because you like the other guy.



I feel that you're just blinded momentarily by the "freshness". As time passes by, there'll definitely be quarrels and arguments and dull moments. How long will it take for the guy to realise what I've realised? Will it be too late by then? Will the relationship end just before it really started?

or maybe it's your work load.



You know I'm not a high maintenance boyfriend, I give you all the freedom you want and I only need a little time from you to show that you still care and love me. How many guys will let their girl hang out with other dudes and play soccer with a bunch of guys? Moreover I don't get jealous easily because I have faith in you. I never questioned about our love. When you have any problem, isn't it good to have someone there for you? someone who really cares and know about you and treat your problems like his? and give you hugs whenever you need one? I'll be that person for you.



I believe what I've learnt through these years with and without you can last us till we draw our last breathe. If you will just give me another chance, I'll be the best boyfriend as well as husband anyone can ever have. Will you be my girlfriend?




Even if the answer is a no, I must still thank you for the beautiful memories and I hope you'll be happy.

Nightmare

I just had a nightmare :'( It's a crazy dream.

I dreamed that I was begging you to go out with me.. You came over to my place and there's ppl in my place. I was busy talking to others and when I looked for you, you were with a guy behaving intimately and I saw you clipping your bra. It's like both of you just make out. I was jealous.

The next moment we board the MRT, you were happily talking to that guy and I was with my friends.

I went to you and said "You're suppose to spend the day with me. Are you spending your time with TCH or this guy?"

You Replied "This guy"

I was broken

I cried out "Why do you play a fool with me? You come and you go, I'm not your toy, I have emotions. If you want me to get out of your life just tell me! and I'll go! ..." so on and so forth(I cant rmb). I only know I was losing it.

Your whole attitude seem so different, It seems like you don't care for me AT ALL and you just want me out of your life.

Your new guy acts like a jerk while I was talking it out with you so I delivered a hateful punch to him across the face.

I screamed out, "I'll kill all your boyfriends!"

and you replied, "Then I'll just find another one."

After that, I woke up feeling very scared, insecure and heartbroken.
I wish I have you right beside me to hug me and tell me that what happened in the dream is not going to happen.

But I realize that.. there's some reality to the dream.

I am too attached to you, you're really everything I wanted.
I really feel very down and this feeling doesn't feel good.

Please help me :'(